


I know it's hard

by Wefwar



Category: The Originals (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-21 02:19:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14906508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wefwar/pseuds/Wefwar
Summary: After Hayley's funeral Freya feels guilty, Hope is crying and Keelin tries to help.





	1. Chapter 1

Freya feels exhausted, both emotionally and physically. She sits at the bayou, her boots laying next to her, and her feet dipped in the icy water. The air is cold, causing her to shiver a little, but she doesn't care. She really doesn't want to face anyone now. She doesn't want to look into Hope's sad eyes. It's not like the girl doesn't have anyone to be with her. Vincent, Marcel, and Josh aren't leaving her side, offering themselves as Hope's personal shoulders to cry into.  
Freya silently thanks them for that. She doesn't have the strength to fulfill this role. Not today.  
She reaches to her left, her fingers almost knocking down the bottle of vodka laying next to her. She grabs it firmly and brings it to her lips, taking a solid gulp. The alcohol makes its way down her throat, burning and spreading warmth across her body. She feels numb. She told everything she felt about Hayley in her speech and it felt really good, but the emptiness is still here. She doubts it will ever pass.  
She frowns when somebody takes the half-empty bottle out of her hands, and she looks up, having trouble focusing on the person sitting next to her. The familiar face swims in her eyes, making her nauseous. She shakes her head, trying to overcome the dizziness and gazes at Keelin, who is looking at her with a sad expression.

"I think you've had enough," says the brunette after a while, weighing the bottle in her hand. "You'll have a killing headache tomorrow."

"Yeah, for about ten minutes. I'll just make a cure for it," mumbles Freya, swaying dangerously toward the water. Keelin sneaks her arms around her, holding her steady. "God, you're so warm."

"It's probably because you're freezing," comments Keelin, trying to pull the blonde up. "Come on, let's get you inside."

"I don't wanna," whines Freya, grounding herself it the spot and looking at her ex-girlfriend with a pleading look.

"You're going to catch a cold."

"I deserve much more than that," whispers Freya, her eyes stubbornly glued to the water surface. She can almost feel Keelin's pity aimed in her direction, and she knows she didn't earn it. Keelin is way too good to understand, but Freya is guilty of what happened to Hayley. She should have been in that house, with her family. She is the oldest one, for heaven's sake, she is supposed to protect everyone. And she failed. She failed to find a way to destroy the Hallow, she failed to reunite her family and now she failed to guard it. She is a terrible person, let alone sister. "I should be the one dead, not her."

"Why is that?" Keelin's voice is soothing and familiar, making Freya's insides flip.

"Because she has... she had a daughter. Someone who needed her."

"Are you implying that nobody needs you?"

"I mean... I'm sure that someone does... just not as much." she looks at Keelin and gives her a broken smile. "I'd gladly take Hayley's place if I could."

"Because you want to die?"

"Because I don't want to live," Keelin isn't sure how it's any different, but she knows that Freya is serious about what she is saying. "I mean... look at me, I'm more than a thousand years old, I can't find a solution to any of my problems, and with every minute I'm failing my family even more." Keelin looks at her, hoping that the darkness around her won't allow Freya to see how full of love her gaze is.

"That's not true," she says after a while, grabbing Freya's hands into her own. She does it mostly out of pure instinct, her body and mind still used to casually touching Freya. But she is glad about it. The blonde's hands are freezing and shaking slightly, she doesn't know whether it's the alcohol or the cold. "You're really important to your family. They always have your back just as much as you have theirs. That's what family is about- supporting each other, good or bad times." Keelin bites back a humorless laugh. Yeah, she is the one to talk about family. "Now please, at least take your legs out of the water, you'll catch a cold." she probably already did, but Keelin decided to worry about it later. The blonde looks at her with the green eyes she loves so much and blinks a few times.

"Why is your face out of focus?" Freya asks innocently, pulling her legs out of the water and crossing them on the ground.

"I don't know, probably because you're drunk."

"That's not good," mutters the witch, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "I usually become a very open person and say things I'm not supposed to say. Or do things I'm not supposed to do."

"Well, we should get you to bed before you do/say anything you'll regret," laughs Keelin, pulling the blonde up.

"Yeah, I don't want you to know I'm still in love with you. And that I've missed you a lot and wanted to call you ever since you left. Or that you're still in my brain, not leaving it for once," Freya leans on her, her lips next to Keelin's earlobe. "How I miss you in my bed every night, hoping that you're still in New Orleans." she stutters and Keelin knows she shouldn't listen. She shouldn't believe. But her heart swells in her chest and her breathing hitches as the blonde's nose touch her cheek. Before she can say anything, Freya gives out a sigh, pressing a sloppy kiss to her lips. A second later, the witch's knees give up and buckle underneath her. Keelin catches her quickly and picks her up, breathing out slowly.

She still loves Freya, there's absolutely no doubt about it. But she is afraid. She is afraid that it will end like the last time- with Freya putting her family first and shutting away from Keelin. She doesn't blame her for doing so, she knows that the blonde is really devoted to her blood. However, it hurts. It hurts that when Freya meets a problem, she shuts herself away from everybody, desperate to find a solution.

That's why when Hope called her and explained everything to her with a shaky voice, she didn't even think twice before buying a plane ticket. She spent the journey thinking about whether what she was doing was right. She wanted to be there for Freya, she still does, but she didn't want to hurt the blonde. She is still afraid of what Freya will tell her after she wakes up, sober and devastated after losing a family member.

She decides not to think about it, as she approaches one of the cabins, noticing Josh standing outside of it. Freya moves slightly in her arms, as her green eyes open for a second.

"You know, it feels like nothing changed. You're still here, taking care of me because, apparently, I'm not able to do it myself and I'm still here, too damaged to be with you," the witch says softly, chuckling at the end of the sentence. Keelin looks down at her, adjusting her grasp on the taller woman's body.

"You're a better person than you think," she whispers, nodding at Josh, who appears next to them in a second.

"Do you need me to carry her?" he asks, looking at Freya with a puzzled expression. Keelin shakes her head.

"No, it's fine. I just need to know if there is a cabin I can put her in?"

"I don't think so," he looks around, narrowing his eyes. "Nope, everything is taken."

"And where is Hope staying?" Freya is starting to feel heavy in her arms.

"In this one, I don't think she is asleep yet," he points toward one of the cabins and then moves his gaze back to Freya's face. "Just... take care of her, okay?"

"As long as she lets me," she promises and starts walking toward the hut. She climbs a few wooden stairs, wincing as they squeak underneath her feet and opens the door with her elbow. The interior of the cabin is dark, with only one candle burning on the nightstand. She walks inside, noticing Hope curled up in a ball on the bed, her eyes open and filled with tears.

For a second, Keelin considers leaving, but she has to lay Freya down somewhere and Hope looks like someone who needs to talk. So she enters the room, gazing softly at the teenager.

"Oh, hey Keelin, I didn't know you were here," she mutters quickly, trying to wipe away the tears from her cheeks. "Here meaning the cabin. I obviously knew you were in New Orleans because I was the one who invited you and... is Freya drunk?" she looks at her aunt with surprise, as big green eyes open again and the blonde smiles happily.

"Hiiii, Hope. It's so nice to see you!" she stutters, blinking a few times. "Damn it, your face is out of focus as well!" Hope sends her a small smile and then turns to Keelin.

"How much did she drink?"

"Too much," answeres the brunette, approaching the bed and gently lying Freya next to her niece. "You don't mind?"

"Not really, I don't feel like sleeping anyway..." Hope hops off the bed, letting Freya take the whole mattress.

"You wanna talk about it?" offers Keelin, draping a blanket over Freya's body.

"What happened to her boots?" asks Hope, looking at her aunt's bare feet. Keelin smiles briefly.

"They're probably on the shore. She took them off and put her feet in the water before I managed to drag her here."

"Isn't the water really cold?"

"Yeah, it's possible that she will have a cold tomorrow," Keelin sights and rubs her face with her hands. The emotional burden that was caused by seeing Freya again and the physical one caused by the long travel finally caught up with her, leaving her simply exhausted. But she has more pressing matters than sleep. She turns to Hope, as the girl bites her lip, unsure what to say or do.

"Thank you for informing me," says Keelin after a few seconds.

"Freya needed you. She always wants to make everyone happy, forgetting about herself," the girl shrugs, proving that what she did wasn't that amazing. "She gave you up for our family and she shouldn't have done that." the blonde stirs in the bed slightly.

"Let's go outside. Fresh air will help us," decides Keelin and Hope nods, retreating out of the hut. They sit on the wooden porch, gazing up at the stars.

"How do you know that you love Freya?" the question surprises Keelin so much that she almost falls from the stairs they're sitting on. She stares at the teenager, her eyes wide open.

"Where did that come from?"

"I just... I want to know how it feels like," Hope looks at her with a pained look. "I thought I felt it, you know... for a second. I mean, I'm not stupid, I knew it wasn't love. But it was something," her voice is shaking slightly as her eyes fill with tears.

"What happened?"

"He turned out to be the one holding mum captive," Hope's cheeks are wet again, salty drops falling onto her lap. "I trusted him and he betrayed me," Keelin wraps her arm around the girl, letting her snuggle into her chest.

"It's not your fault," she whispers as Hope's body is shaking with sobs. "You couldn't know."

"I should've."

"You couldn't," insists Keelin, embracing the girl tightly. "You're not a psychic. You were charmed by him and you decided to trust him. Everybody would have done the same."

"Mum wouldn't," mutters Hope, pulling away from the brunette. "She would've checked everything about him. She wasn't reckless."

"If I knew one thing about Hayley, it was the fact that she loved being free. And freedom is usually sired with at least a little bit of recklessness," she stroked the girl's hair, tucking one of the strands behind her ear. "You can't blame yourself for what happened, honey. I know your mother wouldn't blame you." Hope looks at her, eyes still shiny from tears.

"I can see what Freya sees in you," she says slowly, sending her way a small smile. "You're an amazing person. But if you hurt her..." Keelin chuckles and pats the teenagers head.

"I already got that talk from your uncles. Ironic, considering that Freya was the one who broke up with me, but they were convincing. They got really creative about the threats," the comment causes Hope to snort as she gazes at Keelin.

"What did they tell you?"

"It started off with Elijah telling me he would decapitate me if I ever broke Freya's heart. Kol said that decapitating, even though effective, isn't as fun as torturing, for what Klaus replied that the best choice is simply turning me into a hybrid and leaving me at the bottom of the ocean," Hope laughs loudly, her smile finally reaching her eyes. "Then Rebekah heard us and decided that she would use Papa Tunde's Blade on me. I think it beat up everything else."

"And did you tell Freya?"

"No, I didn't feel the need to do that," Hope yaws loudly, not even trying to hide it. Keelin gets up.

"Come on, let's get you to bed."

"I'm not seven anymore," reminds her the teenager, letting the brunette pull her up.

"I know, you're kind of taller now," she jokes as they enter the cabin again. Freya is curled up in the bed, her face pressed against the pillow and Keelin takes a second to wonder whether the woman is able to breathe. Hope lies down next to her aunt, but before she lets herself daze off, she looks worriedly at Keelin.

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"I'll figure something out, don't worry about it," she leans down and tucks the teenager in. "Sleep tight."

"You too... and thanks. For the talking, I needed it," Keelin smiles at Hope and pats her arm.

"No problem, kiddo."

***

When Freya wakes up, every single muscle in her body is aching and her head is practically exploding. She huffs loudly as the sun reaches her face, doubling the pain.

"Wake up, Freya!" Hope's voice is about ten times too loud for her liking as she slowly opens her eyes, wincing as the light reaches them. "We need to go, we're the only ones left." Freya sits up in a second, not caring about the way her head is spinning. There is only one thing, or rather a person, on her mind. Keelin.

Did she dream all of this? Keelin coming to New Orleans just to be there for her? She probably did. After dumping her so unceremoniously, Freya couldn't hope for such a big gesture. They don't even talk, considering it too painful for both sides.

And then, Keelin walks into the cabin, a hesitant smile on her face and the kind of softness in her eyes that makes Freya's insides melt.  
Freya doesn't care that, technically, they're not together anymore.  
She doesn't care that Hope is in the same room.  
She just jumps out of the bed, sprinting into Keelin's arms.  
And she feels like she just came back home after a long travel when the brunette embraces her tightly.  
Like she just exhaled after holding her breath for a week.  
Like she could live again, not only exist.

"You're here!"


	2. We need to talk (I know it sounds bad)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keelin and Freya talk about their feelings.

Freya steals a glance at the woman sitting next to her. Keelin has her hands firmly grasping the steering wheel as she keeps her eyes focused on the road in front of them. The only sound filling the car is soft music, playing from the radio and their breaths. Freya shifts in her seat, glancing at the teenager sitting in the back seat. Hope doesn't look good, but Freya considers it normal for the circumstances. The girl has circles under her eyes, and her skin is much paler than usual, but her lips aren't quivering anymore.

"Can you stop here?" Freya and Keelin both frown, looking at the teenager with surprise. Hope shrugs and points toward Josh standing on the pavement a few meters from them. The vampire notices them immediately and smiles in their direction, waving enthusiastically. "C'mon guys, you are clearly in a desperate need to talk and I don't want to disturb you."

"You're not disturbing us," assures her Freya, taking her seatbelt off and completely turning in her seat.

"I'll be fine. I have my phone and my badass attitude with me, don't worry," without another word, Keelin turns, smiling at the girl.

"Okay, just take care of yourself," she says, ignoring Freya's disapproving look.

"Thanks!" Hope jumps out of the car, and runs to Josh, embracing him tightly.

"Don't look at me like that," mutters Keelin as they pull out of the parking spot and back onto the street. "You can't keep her away from everyone."

"I know. It's just..."

"You're worried, I know. But you shouldn't keep her away from everything." Freya bites down on her lip, nodding slowly.

"Yeah, you're right," she breathes out softly, clenching her jaw. "Where are we going?" she asks as she looks out the window. They're on a road leading out of the city.

"Don't worry, I'm not kidnapping you," Keelin laughs shortly, flashing her a smile. "We're going to a place I found a while back. It's quiet there, a good place to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," protests Freya swiftly, turning to look at the woman beside her. "We broke up."

"We didn't break up. You dumped me, there is a difference." Freya is sure that she would prefer Keelin yelling at her than the quiet, hurt tone she was speaking in.

"And you're here to remind me about it?" she knows it's not fair. She should talk to Keelin like that, the brunette didn't deserve her anger, especially when it wasn't even aimed at her.

"No," Keelin replies shortly, turning left and into a bumpy road. She stops the car after a few minutes and switches off the engine, getting rid of her seatbelt. Without a word, she leaves the car, leaving Freya alone and confused. The blonde sights loudly and also steps out of the car, hesitantly walking after her. When she catches up with the brunette, Keelin speaks slowly. "I'm not here to remind you about anything. I know you're hurting. Hope called me because she knew it as well, she was aware how much you've sacrificed and how much more you were willing to do for your family." they stop walking and sit at a collapsed tree trunk, a respective distance between them.

"Hope was the one to call you?" Freya didn't know that. She was way too focused on the fact that Keelin visited her to wonder how she knew about the tragedy.

"Yeah, she told me you were... not good," Keelin shoots her a cautious look.

"Is it the only reason you came?" Freya asks, tilting her head slightly.

"I didn't know whether my presence here would make it better or worse. But Hope told me how she caught you looking at your phone, your finger hovering over my number. And I needed you to know this..." she inhales a deep breath, fiddling with her fingers. "However long we will not be talking, however mad we will be at each other or however bad the things between us will be- you can always call me." Freya feels a tear roll down her cheek and fall onto her leg. She blinks slowly, trying to chase away the blurriness in her eyes. "I don't want you to feel like you can't rely on me or trust me with something, okay?" Freya looks up, her eyes meeting with Keelin's and for a second she feels overwhelmed. Her headache from last night's drinking makes her feel dizzy and Keelin's sad, insecure eyes cause the pit in her belly to double. Keelin's laugh fills her ears, her touch invades her skin and her smile flashes in front of her eyes. All of sudden, Freya is sure. She is sure that the woman sitting in front of her is worth fighting for and that she can't let her go, not even for her own family. Not again. She braces herself and smiles happily, even though tears are running down her cheeks. She gazes lovingly at Keelin and takes her hands into her own, stroking the back of the brunette's hand with her thumb.

"I love you, I can't live without you and I want you to give me the next chance," she whispers, anxiously watching Keelin's expression. The woman looks at her with disbelief, her brown eyes wide open and unmoving. Freya holds her breath, thinking whether she said too much. Maybe Keelin doesn't feel that way anymore? God, maybe she already has someone else? But she wouldn't have come here if she had right? Her panicked thoughts are disturbed by hands pulling out of her grasp and leaving her fingers empty.

"I love you too, but I want to know that we won't have to go through it again," says Keelin slowly, carefully choosing her words. "You love your family and I really don't want to come between you guys but you can't put your own happiness. You need to find the balance between your life and your family's."

"Of course, I will," agrees Freya quickly. She is sure that Keelin could ask her to destroy New Orleans and watch it burn with her and she would gladly do it, just to see the brunette smile.

"And you will take care of yourself? Eat properly, sleep at least eight hours and not put your cold feet on my back when we sleep together?" Freya laughs at the last condition and slides closer to Keelin.

"I'll try. At least about the first two," she promises, leaning toward the werewolf who moves back, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Nope, not good enough. I actually get frostbites from you."

"I'll wear socks?" Keelin rolls her eyes and closes the gap between them, kissing Freya tenderly but the blonde moves back, a cocky smile on her lips. "I take it as an 'okay'?"

"Take it as whatever you want and just kiss me!" Freya leans forward once more and when their lips meet, she feels like she can finally stop pretending that she is okay. Because when she is with Keelin, she knows that, eventually, everything will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait guys! I kind of had a block for writing and also felt really sad because of the lack of Keelin we have in all the episodes.   
> ~Wefwar

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys for the comments and the kudos, as always, I appreciate the feedback!


End file.
